


Mirrors

by daniuwuxx



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-06-30 13:58:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19854628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daniuwuxx/pseuds/daniuwuxx
Summary: Mirror/ˈmirər/verbgerund or present participle: mirroring- In psychology, it is a behavior in which one person subconsciously imitates the gesture, speech pattern, or attitude of another.- A social phenomenon where people unconsciously do it. It is a sign that people are attuned and in sync with one another.- When two people are mirroring each other, it shows that there is comfort, trust, and rapport among them. It shows a willingness to understand someone and genuinely connect with them.





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> I think I won't be updating Daytime Shooting Star this weekend, but instead, I am sharing you this piece that I hold close to my heart. I lost a very close cousin a few days ago. He has been suffering from a disease that slowly deteriorates his strength, and can't even breathe, or talk, or move any of his limbs. There wasn't any cure for it. It has been really tough. And my family is mourning. We all have different ways of it and this is mine. This story is loosely based on real-life events.

He stared at the man in the mirror. Even he, himself, doesn't recognize him. 

His cheeks were hollow; dark bags were more evident under his eyes; his lips were dry and chapped; his hair was looking lifeless and damaged beyond repair. In other words, he was looking sick as his sick husband. Funny how he always says he was his mirror. 

As friends, they would always unknowingly mimic each others' actions. Everybody would tease them on how they were practically twins or maybe long lost brothers every time they were in sync. Both of them would just awkwardly chuckle. Deep inside, they do want to be each other's family but not that way. 

Of course, almost everyone _knew_ that's why they would tease them until someone gives in. 

And they did. 

They were inseparable as best friends, more so when they became a couple. 

Marriage with his best friend wasn't perfect. Yes, they love each other deeply, would move mountains for the other, would throw a lasso around the moon and pull it if the other wants it, would hang the stars in the sky, would give the whole world to him.

But, same as everybody else's marriage, there were fights until 5 am, mad tears and petty arguments, stuff in the bedroom would be thrown and caught by the other, pushing the other to get out of the room, but was hoping for them to stay. 

Their relationship was complicated. 

It wasn't all good days, but he'd rather have those bad days with his husband than spending it with better days with someone else. 

As he kept looking at his reflection in the mirror, he can't help but remember those moments after their arguments that always remind them they were meant to be each other's other half. 

The couple would be seated at both ends of the room, even if they don't want to look at even a strand of the hair of their husband, their gaze would gravitate to the other across the room, reflecting each other's anger, literally looking at a mirror. 

And it would always hit them, at the same time, how it felt like they were staring back at their own reflection. And every single time, they would feel this overwhelming feeling on their chest and realize their love for the other was bigger and stronger than the anger they're feeling at the moment. 

How could they stay angry, when they are each other's soulmate, other half, and mirror. It was proven time, and time again. He was his husband's, and his husband was his. 

At first, it was a romantic notion, how they mirror each other. But right now, he wished he wasn't a reflection of his husband. 

His husband has been lying on a hospital bed for more than 9 months. A tube connected to his nostrils because his lungs can't even function properly. He can't move his limbs on his own because of grave muscle weakness. Because of an error of transmission of nerve impulses to the muscles, his immune system--which typically protects the body--mistakenly attacks it's own. And currently, there was no known cure for it. There are treatments, but it wasn't guaranteed. The procedure varies from each case. And with husband, he was rare. 

If he can, he would take half of the pain his husband feels so he'd be better. But he also knew how his husband may be laying at the hospital bed, but would rather carry half of the burden  _ he _ was feeling. It would've been fine if they suffered as a couple, but they can't be selfish. They had little Woojin. Their poor, sweet boy, who always asks why his Appa is away for too long. He doesn't understand how his Appa kept sleeping. How his Appa can't even give him a smile. How his Appa can't play with him, anymore. His heart would break every single time, but that also means his husband's heart was breaking as well, maybe even more. 

There were better days where he would have enough strength to move his hand. He would always write how he loved his husband and Woojin. He kept drawing stick figures of their little family.

He would always remind him that someday he would go home, and everything will go back to normal. That it would be his turn to take care of his precious husband and catch up with everything he missed with their son. That he'd wake up to slightly burned blueberry pancakes, and extra sweet cups of coffee, with Woojin's big boy cup in the breakfast table. That he'd find his husband snoring quietly with Woojin every time he reads him a story before bed. That he'd gently kiss his husband's face, every single time he's grateful for him.

But even if he knew it was a far-fetched dream from where they are, he still flashes his sick husband a bright smile, even though he knew him too well, and always sees right through him.

He wished it wouldn't be so black and white when it comes to the days in the hospital. But here he was, bad day after bad day, it was another bad day today. The hospital bills were piling up. He already has different debts with different people. He had some friends and family who supports them, but he can't depend on them all the time. His husband has yet to wake up. He has been sleeping more than he is awake. In addition to that, the pay from his current job wasn't enough. If his husband was sleeping most of the time, _he_ was awake for several days. He would work without rest until he faints. He tells nobody, and would just wake up as if nothing happened.

He kept staring at the man in the mirror. He bitterly chuckled on how the wind almost easily swept him earlier. He looked at his hands, he was as skin and bones as his husband. At this point, it dawned unto him, how he was declining into nothingness. He faced the man in the mirror, again. He was a stranger. Suddenly, a dangerous thought came across his mind. He felt something vibrating in his pocket. He momentarily looked away from the mirror and accepted the call. 

"Hello?"

"Are you at home?" He looked through the mirror, the apartment was almost empty. He already sold most of their furniture. And has decided to sell the place, as well. He was practically living in the hospital anyway, but he can't help but feel heartbroken. This apartment was the first purchase they made as a couple. And it will be gone in a few days. 

In the past, his optimistic self would shine through, and would probably say it was okay, as long as he was with his true home, his little family. But everything is different now.

"Yes, hyung. I'm just finalizing everything with the realtor and maybe packing the rest of the stuff." He sighed.

"You know, you don't need to sell the apartment, I can lend you money." The person on the other line tried to convince him.

"I can't take it, Hyung. We already owe you. You're more of a parent to Woojin right now than me." 

"Woojin is my godson, of course, I'll take care of him. But it doesn't make you less of a parent. Even in Woojin's tender age, he sees your struggle. He is a smart kid, he understands the situation. He said he would eat his greens so that he will grow up big and strong like his Appa. Even if it doesn't fit the situation right now, but my point is if you don't want to accept this for  _ him _ , then please accept it for Woojin." The person insisted. He can't help the tears, his own words were echoing in his mind. He didn't even try to listen to whatever the other said. He didn't even realize the gravity of his own words until it left in his mouth. 

_ You're more of a parent to Woojin right now than me. _

Suddenly, he remembered the dangerous thought he had before the call.

"Seongwu? Are you still there?" Jisung asked from the other line. He heard Seongwu sniffing.

"H-Hyung.." He started on a shaky breath.

"W-What if.. I give Daniel b-back to his parents?" 

"What?" Jisung can't believe his ears. Was Ong Seongwu giving up?

"I'm so tired, Hyung. I'm so tired." It was the first time Seongwu admitted he felt restless, figuratively, and literally.

"I feel like I've been focusing on Daniel all this time, while I abandoned my own child. I'm already failing Daniel as his husband, but I'm a bigger failure as Woojin's father.”

“S-Should I just let him  _ go _ ?" He stuttered.

"Seongwu.."

"Can you blame me, Hyung? I know I promised Daniel that I would be with him through the good and bad times, but this is just the worst. It's testing everything. It's testing our marriage, my love for him, my relationship with my child, my faith. I don't know what to do. I ask myself, has my love for him reached its limits? Is this the end?"

Seongwu’s question lingered between the two. Jisung doesn’t know what to say but he had to at least say something.

"Seongwu, I may not know how exactly you are feeling right now. But I see you, and I know you're trying your best." Jisung started.

"I actually understand where you're coming from. But I believe this is just a moment of weakness. You don't believe what you're saying right now. You're just tired, you need sleep. When was the last time you slept on a proper bed or ate a full meal?" Seongwu realized he has been awake for 72 hours and had a few cups of black coffee to keep him awake. 

"The Seongwu I know wouldn't give up. He would rest for a while, and then go back to the field." Jisung pointed out.

Jisung was right. He doesn't believe any of those. He was just desperately trying to make sense of his tired heart. Maybe, that was what he needed, sleep, food, the essentials. But if he sleeps for more than 3 hours, he might miss Daniel waking up. He was torn. 

"It's okay Seongwu, you can sleep there at the apartment for one last night. I would take Sungwoon with me at the hospital. Woojin is with Daehwi and Jinyoung, they're having a Disney movie marathon, so you don't have to worry anything." Seongwu almost smiled at the cute distraction. He was really grateful to his friends.

"Let us help you, Seongwuya. You've been suffering alone. You have us." The older assured him, and Seongwu unconsciously walked over to the master's bedroom. It was barren except for the king-sized bed in the middle of the room. It didn't have any pillows nor blankets. After saying their goodbye's, Seongwu laid on the naked bed. The moment his head hit the soft bed, he was off to dreamland. 

Seongwu felt someone was caressing his face, he lazily opened one eye and saw Daniel smiling at him. He sleepily groaned and looked the other way. His husband chuckled at him. Seongwu knew he was dreaming, that was the only explanation. Funny how his dreams were usually memories he had with Daniel in the past. Dreams like these, in the rare occasions where Daniel wakes up before Seongwu, and he'd always stare at his husband's sleeping face. 

"Yeobo~" Daniel whispered in his ear. Seongwu was already smiling. He missed mornings like these. He slowly faced his husband, showing off his cute pout that would rival Woojin's.

"You woke me up." He whined. To other people, it sounded like he was drunk and was talking gibberish while doing aegyo. But to Daniel, it was the second cutest thing in the world. Woojin's aegyo always takes first place. 

"Aigoo~ My first baby." Daniel cooed and kissed the tip of his husband's cute button nose. With the sweet gesture, Seongwu smiled. He leaned to his husband and lightly pecked his lips. 

"Good morning.." Seongwu greeted him, but Daniel didn't say anything else. He leaned in and gave Seongwu a hot-searing kiss that led to a full-blown morning make out. Whatever they were doing would put desperate horny teens into shame. Seongwu was surprised that Dream-Daniel was as aggressive as the real one, and how it has been too long since his husband has touched him like that. He enjoyed every bit, even if it's only a dream. 

After a while, they stopped to breathe. Seongwu was about to lean in again when Daniel suddenly spoke. 

"You do know you are the love of my life, my soulmate, the most amazing father of my child, the best husband to Kang Daniel, ever!" Seongwu chuckled. This dream might be the little push he needed. He already felt energized by his husband's words. He's actually thinking how he and Daniel can win over this disease, together. 

"Always remember my Ong Seongwu, I am your other half. I look in the mirror, and I honestly think I can see you looking back at me. It's like our hearts is saying that I am you, and you are me. And because of that, you won't ever lose me. I am always with you." Daniel's words usually swept him off his feet, but he can't help but furrow his brows. Why does his chest feels heavier by each word?

"I love you Ong Seongwu, please tell Woojin I'm sorry but don't worry, I'll keep an eye on you both." Dream-Daniel started to back away from Seongwoo, but he quickly held Dream-Daniel's hand.

"Take me with you." 


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everybody is gonna die. We already knew that. Death is inevitable especially to someone who is REALLY sick but it doesn't mean it won't hurt like a bitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for appreciating this piece. It really means a lot to me. I would like to remember my cousin as I remember him before I moved here. As I post this part two, I hope I let go of the hate and regret I feel towards myself for not doing the best I can for him. I am still mourning but hopefully, this is a step on accepting the fact he's no longer with us. 
> 
> This is for you, please say hi to my best friend there, I think the two of you would get along really well. Until we meet, again.

Jisung and Sungwoon were taking turns in watching Daniel. Jisung volunteered to do it for the first three hours. 

Nobody expected Daniel would have this rare disease. Nobody knew he was already feeling the early symptoms for almost a year, as well. There were days he can’t speak properly and would stutter more than he usually does. Daniel just chuckles every single time he does it, and nobody noticed.

Who would suspect the ever-laughing and always smiling Daniel? No one. Not even his husband. 

Daniel would experience extreme fatigue, and would successfully hide it from his husband. Jaehwan even laughed at him one time, when they were climbing two flight of stairs and he was already panting and had trouble breathing. He would sometimes have double visions, but would just dismiss it as migraine. 

Daniel was worried. He wasn’t worried about himself but for Seongwu and Woojin.

During one of their friends' get-together, Daniel just stopped moving and fell on the floor. 

He kept dismissing the signs until it was too late.

At first, Seongwu felt betrayed by his own husband, but then, it evolved into self-loathing. He prided himself as someone who knows Daniel really well. Maybe even more than Daniel knows himself. When it was revealed he was suffering from a disease and that he was a rare case, they had a major fight. But just like every fight they had, that moment where they look at each other and literally sees a reflection of themselves, Seongwu hated himself more than anything at that moment. He did have inklings in the past, but he trusted Daniel to come out in the open. 

Jisung knew all of this. It made sense how Seongwu worked so hard beyond his limit because he was guilty. When he was talking to him through the phone, he knew Seongwu didn’t believe any of what he said. If he didn’t call him earlier, he knew Seongwu’s guilt would double, and he couldn’t even imagine what his friend would do once he realized what he had done. Just like Jisung wouldn’t know Seongwu would do if Daniel….

Jisung shook the thought away. His friend would live, that’s what he believes right now. He stared at Daniel. He has been sleeping for four days, already. They were worried that Daniel was under a coma, but the doctor assured them that the patient was just tired. After the successful surgery he had, Jisung thought it would bring a little hope to Seongwu, but it looked like it got worse. 

There are different treatments but they opted the one that is the fastest but the riskiest treatment. The success of the surgery would most likely to work around 6 or 12 months after the first symptoms appeared but it was almost two years since then. Daniel decided to go through with it even though there were cases of the surgery that led to remission or drug dependency. Seongwu supported Daniel despite the protests of some friends. 

Thankfully, Daniel did have a successful surgery, but after that, he has to do different sets of dialysis. It was already a struggle before the surgery. He knew everything would be worse when the dialysis happens. He held the dear friend's hand and was trying to hold back his tears.

"Niel-ah, keep fighting, okay? We can do this. You can do this. Do this for Woojin. Do this for Seongwu. We will win in the end. But until then, please hang on, okay?" 

Jisung thought his eyes were playing tricks on him when he saw a single tear escaped Daniel's right eye. The patient slowly opened his eyes. He was still adjusting from the light. He was confused where he was for a few seconds but then he remembered. He started to look around the room and saw his Jisung hyung. 

"Niel!" Jisung jumped off from his seat, it surprised Sungwoon as well who was sleeping on the empty hospital bed next to Daniel's. 

"Woon, hurry up and call the doctor!" Jisung pushed his friend to the door, even if he was disheveled and was still in a haze, Sungwoon quickly jogged to the nurse's station. 

Jisung flashed his beloved dongsaeng a smile. Daniel gathered every bit of his strength to give Jisung his signature smiling face. His eyes forming like crescent moons, he had a huge smile and was proudly showing his two front teeth that Jisung admittedly missed. He can't help but cry. He missed this Daniel. 

But after a moment, as Daniel's smile fades away, the beating of his heart declines as well. 

Jisung couldn't believe it was happening. It literally took only a second.

Sungwoon was animatedly talking to the doctor when they heard the beeping sound from the Holter monitoring device. 

The doctor immediately went to work. A nurse quickly pushed the emergency button located slightly above the bed. A defibrillator was pushed towards Daniel. He saw more nurses rushing to his friend's body. One nurse was pumping oxygen in Daniel’s mouth as hard as she can while another assist the doctor with the defibrillator. Everybody was coordinating for the revival of the patient. Jisung stood frozen in the midst of the chaos. 

He didn't even realize he was pushed and ushered by one of the nurses outside the room. He just snapped out from his shock when he heard the door closed. He quickly dialed Seongwu's number with his trembling hands. He wasn't answering. After a few tries, Jisung was already sobbing and cursing Seongwu to accept the call.

Sungwoon tried to calm him down and suggested that Minhyun and Jaehwan should check on Seongwu since they live next door to the couple's old apartment. He distanced himself from Jisung to make the call. 

Jisung calmed down a little bit. He wasn’t shaking as much but he was still crying. He was so scared right now. He was scared for Daniel. He was scared for Woojin. But especially, he was scared for Seongwu. He was just thinking earlier what would Seongwu do if he finds out--

The doctor opened the door and had a somber look on his face. Jisung didn't even want to ask. 

"I'm sorry, we tried everything we can. Time of death is 12:10 am.” Jisung felt the world just fell apart. He felt weak in the knees and just let himself fall on the floor. The doctor can only sigh. He had delivered the news of patients’ passing countless times before, but it doesn’t mean it would get easier over time.

“I really am sorry, Jisung-ssi." The doctor bowed in front of him and left him on his own.

How can he tell Seongwu the news?

He heard Sungwoon yelling from his right. He thought he was angry at the doctor for not reviving their friend, but he was still talking to someone on his phone. 

"Kim Jaehwan, don't you fucking joke like that." He heard Sungwoon cursed at their friend. Jisung slowly stood up and approached him. Sungwoon saw him and turned on the speaker. They heard some noise from the phone. They really couldn’t decipher what was happening on the other line. But they heard someone was crying then they heard Minhyun’s voice.

"H-Hyung…” Minhyun started with a shaky breath.

“Seongwu is not waking up.” He whispered. Jisung felt the fallen world earlier had fallen, again. He can’t believe something that was already destroyed beyond repair can still be annihilated even more.

“What?!” Sungwoon didn’t believe Jaehwan at first, but Minhyun wasn’t the type to joke around such thing.

“We can't find his pulse. He's not breathing as well." 

-

Daniel started to back away from Seongwu, but his husband quickly held his hand. 

"Take me with you." Daniel looked at the Seongwu of his dreams. Even from here, his husband wants to be with him. 

"You should go back to sleep." Daniel stood up but leaned in to caress the pretty cheek of Dream-Seongwu. 

"No." Seongwu defied him and tightened his hold on his husband's hand.

"I won't let go of you, ever. We will be together wherever the other go." Seongwu looked at Daniel with so much determination. 

“Even if you go to hell, I would gladly go with you if it means I can keep holding your hand like this.” Daniel can’t help but be overwhelmed by Seongwu’s words. Even in his dreams, Seongwu loved him truly.

“I will hold your hand until the end. There is no escape from me Kang Daniel.” He chuckled. He was already feeling the butterflies and typical Seongwu pulls off something like that. But then, he realized something. How could he almost forget the most precious boy in his life?

"What about our Woojinie?" 

Dream-Seongwu looked at him solemnly.

"He's in good hands." His husband whispered to which Daniel nodded in agreement. 

"Are you sure?" Daniel asked, confirming one more time. Seongwu just smiled like Daniel felt foolish for asking it. 

Seongwu stood up from the bed. He faced Daniel and started to study his face. It’s been a while since he saw Daniel’s face full and healthy. 

Daniel knew Seongwu had decided and reached for his husband’s other hand. Seongwu smiled at him and asked.

"If you leave, how can I look into a mirror and not see my own reflection?" 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end. Thank you for reading.


End file.
